How do we handle disruptive kids in our gathering?

One of the most frequently asked questions I get about doing a house church is: What do you do with the kids?

First of all, I want to say that each house church may respond to this question differently, so I’m going to answer it how we do it. But before I do that, we actually need to start with a different question, which is, “What is the purpose of our church gatherings?” Let me show you why this is the first question you need to ask.

If you believe the purpose of the church gathering is to hear a long monologue sermon, then kids will be a disruption.

If you believe the purpose of the church gathering is to engage in worship and prayer, then kids will be a distraction.

But if you believe the purpose of the church gathering is to be a Jesus-community of “Called Out Ones”, then kids will be discipled.

I used to be a traditional church youth pastor where we funneled kids and youth to separate rooms to do special programs for them. This was because the focus of the gathering was on the sermon, and some kids would be too much of a disruption ot the sermon. So we had to put them in a different room. Now, let me be clear, that’s not inherently bad. Many children have come to know Jesus and have been discipled through these programs, including me! That’s amazing! But I also want to ask a question. Who said that is our only option?

For us, we want our kids as close to adults in our gatherings as we can so the adults can model what it’s like to be in community. And depending on their maturity level, they may even want to engage in our communal discussion or even prayer time, like my kids sometimes do. 

A great example to look at is when Jesus interacted with children. Jesus was in the middle of answering questions of religious leaders and teaching the people when this happened:

Mark 10:13-16

“13 People were bringing little children to him in order that he might touch them, but the disciples rebuked them. 14 When Jesus saw it, he was indignant and said to them, “Let the little children come to me. Don’t stop them, because the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. 15 Truly I tell you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.” 16 After taking them in his arms, he laid his hands on them and blessed them.”

Now, I know this isn’t in the context of a local church gathering, but I do think there are principles here.

Yes, kids disrupt our time of discussion in our gatherings and may even be a distraction in our prayer time. But for us, we want to be open to have organic gatherings where life happens. Think about it parents. When you were at a friends house for dinner, did you stop the dinner and go home because the kids were being kids? No, maybe you asked them to quiet down, or just ignored them, because the purpose of you going over your friend’s house was to talk to your friend. The disruptive kids aren’t going to stop you from engaging in community. Why is it different in a Jesus community? It shouldn’t. 

Jesus could have seen them as a distraction, but he was too focused on the Kingdom of God mindset, so he invited children in with the adults to teach adults a lesson.

Sometimes we will have an activity for them in another room. Sometimes they stay with us. But one of the reasons why we choose not to have long monologue sermons by an eloquent speaker is because kids won’t be welcomed with the adults. Kids aren’t discipled through lectures, they’re discipled by us modeling Jesus. And just like Jesus was describing it, adults can learn from kids too.

So to answer the question, what do we do about kids. Maybe my answer is: sometimes they engage with us; sometimes they naturally all go play outside or in another room while the adults talk. It’s organic. But the better question we should ask in a world where 82% of young adults stop going to church after they graduate high school is, “How can we model a Jesus-community to our children?” Then go from there.

I hope this blog helps you understand more about the house church movement and get you plugged into a local church near you. God bless y’all.